It’s funny just how perspective can really rule our thoughts and even our responses to lifes circumstances. Recently I had received a voice mail from a friend saying she was praying for me and how amazing everything has been turning out for me. In fact she stated that I was truly blessed. She even went as far as to say I was the most blessed person she ever knew. I’m inclined to agree. It’s all a matter of perspective.
You see as I sit in my kitchen typing this I have been unemployed for 2 months. I have had to get assistance through the state, have been to the food bank and have no idea how to pay my bills. You might be thinking I’m a bit mad for considering myself truly blessed. Well I am. That would be I am blessed and not mad.
When I was quite small, the age of four, my mother and I headed up to a 7-11 store at the corner. She ran in to buy a gallon of milk and I sat in the car waiting for her. The window was down and I could hear the chatter of birds at play. It was then my young heart realized that God loved those birds so much he gave them a large weeping willow to play in, and play they did. They were swinging on the branches and talking like children on the play ground. I was totally delighted with what I saw and heard. I then began to realize that I was loved far more then those birds and I gave my heart to Christ. It was then God promised to always take care of me and provide for me. That moment was a defining moment in my life. It is one I have to return to now and again to be reminded of who’s I am and who is truly in charge.
I’ve been unemployed before but I had a large severance package and found some odd work to do until I returned to a career. Little did I know that in just a short three years in the future I would find myself in far more dire circumstances.
One weekend I was about to log onto my computer to work on my budget when I realized it would not boot up. I’m an IT girl by profession and I quickly assessed the situation. This system was beyond repair. I was already stressed because everything was on that system and I had not backed it up for almost six months. I had moved and never found my backup drive and still had boxes to unpack. So it was easily forgotten. Two days later my company had a layoff and I was one of them. I now faced a career hunt without a resume or a good computer.
This is just one example of what had happened. In the months prior, my car had some serious problems and I ended up buying a new one. This now meant a car loan. My washing machine died so I had to buy another. Then the computer and then the layoff. Not to mention a vacuum cleaner that died, a blender, a coffee maker and the list could go on. I have a tendency to keep things until they can run no longer. So over the course of a short period I bid all my old appliances a fond adieu knowing they had served me well. All of course had to be replaced.
You may still be wondering if I am really blessed or not. I assure you I AM!!
The month of December hit and I told my children we would be celebrating Christmas as usual. The tree will be smaller then planned. There will be little to no presents but we would still decorate, listen to Christmas music and watch our favorite Christmas movies. (Note to my reader this is a foreshadowing of what is to come.)
I am truly blessed, but this time has been a time of uncertainty. Where would the money come to pay the bills or for the house. Where would the next meal come from and how will I am remain calm so as not to upset my kids. I think because we had been through this in the past and many other hard times my kids were a bit weary. It’s not been easy on them. So then enters December as I mentioned before. What would God do? I often pray and remind God, (like he needs that), that he is my husband, a father to my children and the man of my house. I ask him to please provide like a husband and father should. I’m one of those supermom’s. A single mother who wears her self out trying to do it all. One thing seasons like this remind me of is I’m really not in control. God is in control and to loosen up my grip on things and let Him work in only the way he can.
Let me tell you when God provides he really PROVIDES. A friend sent money to buy me a new laptop and pay some of my bills. Other friends started sending packages of toiletries because they knew we still needed to be clean and those items are hard to get through assistance. Then the gift cards arrived and then checks to help pay bills and buy Christmas presents. Some of the assistance we applied for finally came through as well. Each day there were either boxes delivered to our door or there would be gifts in the mail.
One night I had sat in my room crying over all the love from family and friends scattered across this country. People were stepping up to meet our needs. Even the ladies from my old job brought over food and items to make a Christmas dinner. That night I turned on the television and my favorite movie of all time came on. I love how God can use even a movie to touch our hearts. I had been sitting there like George having a pity party days before. I was worried of losing everything and uncertain what to do next. Much like George when he found himself asking for help from Mr. Potter of all people. But my life has really been more about the ending of the movie. You see it was George’s perspective that needed to be changed. He kept thinking about how his life did not turn out the way he had planned. We all get so caught up in it at times that we miss how blessed we are. Remember that God’s ways are always better then ours. At the end of the movie all of the people that loved George Bailey showed up to take care of him. I get all choked up every time I watch it. I’m certainly not out of the woods yet and there is still a very blank slate before me. However, the month of December has been enchanting. God has reminded me that it’s a wonderful life.