Transformation. Change. New creature. Renewal of my mind.
Who am I and when did this all happen?
When I was in the second grade I went for a bike ride with my cousin Cheryl and my brother David. We rode over to my elementary school and went riding around. At one point I was riding on some black top that was covered with gravel from the playground. I was turning when apparently too much loose gravel got under my tire and the bike just slid out from underneath me. I went down on one knee and slid on that gravel covered black top. Man, did that hurt. I was bleeding down my leg and it was soaking my sock. We were about a mile from home and I just wanted to get there as fast as I could. My brother and cousin couldn’t help but laugh because I had turned into some speed demon. My knee was really trashed yet I was riding so fast to get home that I must have been a sight see. Once home I was tended too and a discussion ensued as to if I should have stitches or not. Instead of stitches I was left to heal. The wound was deep and about the size of a quarter. It took a great deal of care over the next few days by my parents but heal I did. It wasn’t easy, we had some bumps on the way. At one point I was healing so well that the bandage I had been wearing became a part of the scab. So we had to soak it, remove it and pretty much start back at square one. So how’s my knee today? It’s fine except for there is a scar to show for it. You can push on it and it doesn’t hurt. It’s not pretty however, I still wear skirts, shorts and a swimming suit because I just don’t care that the scar is there. It’s just part of my past.
I bet you all have a similar story. Yet it may not be a physical wound.
A while back I confessed to my accountability partner I was still healing. Healing from a broken marriage. I thought why I am I still here? Why is this taking so long? Like any healing process it takes time and sometimes you even end up going back to square one. Yet one day you wake up and you realize I’m different. I’m just not who that person was. You might even stop and ask, “When did this all happen”?
Take a look back and see God’s hand on your life. For me one of the first changes was fear. It no longer seemed to have a hold on me. The second was worry. I no longer became anxious but just laid it in God’s hands and had the faith to believe he would work it out according to his will. The next was bitterness. Where did it go? I know that I found myself praying consistently for my bitterness to be replaced with forgiveness and compassion. Remember, prayer changes things, especially our hearts. I realized that my healing had come full circle when I found my self more concerned over the well being of those whom have hurt me. For example my little Noah said something about his Dad while we were all in a Dr’s office. It was childish but very embarrassing to his father. I felt so bad for their father at that moment. The old Carol would not have cared except for the behavior of my son. This time I had compassion for my son’s father. I’ve recently received emails from him thanking me for my supporting him in different areas and for basically the change in how I interact with him. Yesterday I shared with a friend that the change in the parenting schedule was really a blessing. My kids may only live with me only half the time now but it was God’s will. I have seen how it has improved how Noah and Gabrielle’s father and I react with one another. The lines of communication are open and we are working as a team. I realized that God changed my heart and really changed my thought pattern. The negative history is just that. Something that happened to me. That scar is there. You can push on it and it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a part of my past.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. 24 See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.